TW:abuse
Okay, I wish I would NEVER have to make a post like this.. but here it is.
That’s Emily, a girl I’ve known for about 10 years. That’s her face a couple of days after her boyfriend beat the shit out of her. She has to get facial surgery for broken bones, a titanium plate inserted for her “pulverized cheekbones”.
She has been amazingly open about her experience and very optimistic, retaining her sense of humour, but her ex-boyfriend hasn’t been caught yet. He beat her in Arizona but he might be out of the state by now.
His name is Chris Young. He’s a raver and a DJ. I’m not friends with him on facebook, so I can’t get any better pictures than that. But you can see that she trusted him. And he broke that trust in trying to break her.
If you see him, please call the Tucson Police. IF you know ANYTHING about him, call the police.
It’d be great if people could reblog this for her.
Yes, reblogging this WILL make you blog look ugly because domestic violence is ugly. Reblog it anyways.
I live in Arizona, and am visiting Tucson tomorrow… definitely going to look for him. T__T
I live in the UK but I don’t give a fuck. I have American followers <3
If you aren’t a fan of Patrick Stewart (Captain Jon Luc Picard of STNG), this might make you ask yourself why not?
“Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulance men, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.” ~Patrick Stewart
By: Independence House, Inc. Hyannis, MA
Please share this.
And- I find him even sexier now ;-)
Unholy damnation, look at the expression on his face! This knight of the realm will fuck you up if you indulge in domestic violence, and I love him all the more for that fact.
The resolution ”affirms the importance of women’s reproductive rights” and “urges Congress and the states to pursue a positive agenda that reaffirms fundamental rights and improves women’s access to safe and comprehensive reproductive-health care.”
Other resolutions support healthy eating, local farms and purchasing, and increased access to healthy food, especially in inner cities, increased funding for CDBG grants to provide quality, affordable housing, the reauthorization of VAWA including support for undocumented victims, eliminating the backlog of untested rape kits, reducing sex trafficking of minors, and empowering parents to ensure their child gets a good education and transform failing schools.
The U.S. Conference of Mayors sends representatives from cities with populations of 30,000 or more. They use their collective voice to influence national policy by distributing resolutions to the President and Congress.
Perhaps someday they’ll recognize that the health care issues they speak about affect everyone with the ability to get pregnant, not just cis women.
If you are living with an abusive person (be it a spouse, sibling, cousin, roommate, or partner, and whether it is physical or verbal or whatever), here’s some tips.
1. If the person demands you isolate yourself by deleting things like facebook, tumblr, etc, here’s a tip: Do it, and let them watch you delete it. Then, make a new one and download ccleaner.com. It looks like a regular spyware/adware/registry cleaner remover, and one helpful aspect is it deletes history permanently and basically makes it easier to cover your tracks.
2. This is something a relative of mine did; when they are gone, take out one of the base moldings of the wall. She took the whole thing out so the line from a cut wouldn’t be seen. She cut a low notch/alcove. She hid money, extra things like snacks, and other stuff in there. Eventually, she saved up money to get away. She would use wood glue to put it back to the wall and would pry it off again to fill it in with a shoehorn. Even if you don’t get away, this can be your cubby hole for resources.
3. That same relative hid a prepaid cellphone with contacts in it to make infrequent calls and kept the phone off when hidden away.
4. I am not complete in compiling the survival guide stuff, but here is a copy of First Aid for Everyone in case you cannot go to the hospital for any reason.
REBLOG WIDELY and feel free to share and add on pieces of advice, please.
Safari’s private browsing mode is very easy to turn on and off quickly. Just check or uncheck it in the “Safari” menu. When it’s on, it won’t save your history or any other information.
Adding…if you think they’ve put a gps on your vehicle to keep tabs on you, most police departments (and some domestic violence units) will help you check.
Wasp spray. Yes, wasp spray. If things go downhill fast, & you have to get away from a person/have something to protect yourself that looks like just another random household product, wasp spray can help you. It sprays 20+ feet, & it will temporarily blind a person if you aim at the eyes.
As horrible as it may sound…wear the right shoes as much as you can. Running in heels is hard, & at a certain point function comes over fashion.
Document, document, document. Have that info somewhere either than your home/computer. Even if it’s an anonymous email account on gmail to yourself. If your computer/camera/phone are destroyed, you don’t want to lose all that info. Thumb drives are your friend, & they can be hidden in all kinds of places. DO NOT KEEP IT ON YOU.
Screencap things like they’re going out of style. If you’re being sent texts, tweets, etc., you want to be able to show them in case your abuser decides to go back and delete things at some point.
If they have access to your banking information, whether it be by seeing/finding paper statements or having access to your online banking info or having a joint account, your movements around your town/where you are traveling to can be tracked. If you can use cash for things, do it.
Know alternate routes to get to/from home from places you frequent, as well as police departments, etc. Sometimes losing somebody following you on the road comes down to you knowing more ways out than they do.
Gaslighting is real. It can make you begin to feel like you are going crazy, because your entire reality can be used as a way to control & frighten you. You know you. Trust yourself.
Here are some ways to protect your internet activity
Hide an extra set of car keys.
Along with the practical shoes tip, try not to wear many necklaces or scarves - they can be used to choke.
Keep the car backed into the driveway, with all doors locked except for the driver’s side, and with a full tank of gas.
Arrange a code word or signal for neighbors and family if you are in trouble and need them to call the police or get help in some other way.
Identify safe rooms, where there are no weapons and ways to escape. If an argument occurs, try to move to that area.
For people in domestic abuse situations and victims of stalking, keep a small bag packed in a safe place with:
- Money and bank info
- Medications
- Birth certificates and passports
- Social Security #s
- Extra keys for neighbors
- Kids’ items
- Important numbers: law enforcement, friends and family, attorneys/prosecutors, medical care, child care, pet care, creditors
- If possible, a change of clothing
This website has more suggestions for safety strategies and steps to take when leaving.
For more support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
EVERYONE needs to know this. This is how nearly all abusive relationships play out, nearly all of the time. It’s very, very common and very important.
Bear in mind that “violent outbursts” can also mean mental/verbal abuse, shoving or holding someone down, throwing things at the person or threats.
Usually, this cycle worsens and worsens throughout the relationship. The violent episodes last longer and longer and the honeymoon phase gets shorter or may disappear completely, leaving the relationship bouncing back and forth between tension and explosions.
Please reblog if you think your readers could be helped by this?
I am reblogging this because if I had seen a chart like this in high school I could have recognized my abusive relationship for what it was. And this goes for almost every woman I have ever encountered that has been in an abusive relationship.
This is so true.
“In addition to restricting the flow of federal ‘family planning’ funds, House Bill 487, sponsored by Representative Ron Amstutz and adopted without a recorded vote by members of the House Finance and Appropriations Committee, completely prohibits the distribution to Planned Parenthood of Ohio or any of its affiliates from any of the following federal programs:
- Violence Against Women Act
- Breast and Cervical Cancer Mortality Prevention Act
- Infertility Prevention Project (US Dept of Health & Human Services)
- Minority HIV/AIDS initiative funds (Centers for Disease Control)”
Really, Ohio? Are these people trying to get voted out of office?
Michael Fassbender, you are a flawless man. Ridley Scott, you are a flawless director.
I’m just going to sit here consumed by my Alien universe feels.
Flawless men do not beat women.
Flawless. Men. DO. NOT. BEAT. WOMEN.
charges were dropped, the woman in question was known to have done this sort of thing before with famous, wealthy men.
edit: some more: http://leandralocke.tumblr.com/post/17875797385/to-everybody-that-believes-the-accusations-against
…I stand corrected. And somewhat relieved.
You haven’t been corrected, actually. You’ve been informed of a new detail.
The fact that she dropped the charges means all of jack shit. Charges for real domestic abuse get dropped all the time even when the jackass isn’t famous and well-liked with a rabid fanbase quick to jump to his defense.
^^^^^^^ this is important
there’s also the matter that hes made at least one of his female co-stars uncomfortable as fuck with good reason.
“I actually said to him before we shot the spanking scenes, ‘If you touch me I will kill you’ and he did remind me that I was tied to a bed at the time and really I shouldn’t be making any threats. … [those scenes] weren’t particularly easy.”
fassbender isn’t flawless, he’s just attractive enough that people don’t give a fuck about him being a scumbag!
It really disgusts me people give men the benefit of the doubt over domestic abuse and rape victims (especially if they’re attractive and white). I don’t know about you, but I would rather falsely accuse a man who has been reported as having made women very uncomfortable repeatedly in the past of domestic abuse than risk siding with a someone who beats up their girlfriend.
Also, there was evidential photographs noted in the original article. She was probably so afraid and pressured by him and his crazy fanbase (who, like some above, claim she was doing it for the cash because lol shes a dumb slut right) that she dropped the charges. Shit like that happens ALL THE TIME. It is incredibly hard to get women to report abuse or rape; so many guys get away with shit like this because of the fear they instill and the rampant victim blaming that girl has to suffer.
Also, that second “source” (tumblr? are you fucking serious) is disgusting. LOL HERE IS SOME EVIDENTARY PROOF ANDREWS IS LYING ABOUT THE ABUSE - The guy she filed a restraining order against says they were still sleeping together
I
what
you just sourced an INCREDIBLY UNRELIABLE SOURCE to prove Andrews was an unreliable source
I think I’m going to dissect that entire “article” when I have some free time it’s making me so fucking mad. Jesus Christ.
One more time, for quality commentary.
tw: abuse, rape, domestic violence
A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her. She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.” Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.
holy fuck im crying.
I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control. I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do.
SUCH an important consideration. Many people don’t understand how you can be FORCED to carry a child. It’s very real and it’s very possible. And thankfully it is nothing that ever happened in my relationship, but who knows what the future could have held (especially because the main drive behind me finally getting out was fear for any potential future children).
I don’t have anything to add because I think it’s all been said, but this is some REAL shit that needs to be reblogged as much as possible.
[Trigger Warning for Domestic Violence, Reproductive Coercion]
A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her. She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.” Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.
